When we think of productivity, or being more productive, we’re generally talking about receipts for time . This is how we’ve learned to live, and this is an insane way to live.  Making sure we account for ourselves every hour of the day, or else we’re not worthy humans. Making sure to earn our rest and our rewards. If we haven’t put enough work in, we do not deserve to enjoy ourselves! We do not deserve to pass “go”!  But what is it all for?  Is it really about what we have t

I got beef with imposter syndrome. I’m not buying its BS. What does it mean to have imposter syndrome? You’re either an imposter or you’re not. No? What is imposter syndrome ? Imposter syndrome means you FEEL like an imposter.  But why?  Are you misrepresenting yourself for fraudulent gain?  Are you lying about who you are and what you can do?  No? Then you’re not an imposter. Yes? Then you don’t have Imposter Syndrome. You have an integrity problem. If you’re worried about h

“They called me an R&B artist, so I put out a jazz album,” Ray Charles said to Willie Nelson. “Then they started calling me a jazz artist, so I sang country. Now they don’t know what the f*** to call me, and that’s just the way I like it.’” -- this according to Willie Nelson’s autobiography, “It’s a Long Story,” perfectly titled IMO! Ray and Willie had had similar experiences bucking against the mold that record producers and executives were trying to force them into. (Can yo

I had a rather engaging conversation with a potential new client recently, where he was lamenting about how accustomed he’s become to scraping by. For years, he’s gone through periods where his future was entirely uncertain; his financial security was nil; at times he was in danger of losing everything, yet he always found a way to get by.  He’s tired. He’s afraid he’ll keep living like this if he doesn’t take some escalated measure to change things. He’s gotten too good at t

Do your boundaries come with question marks? If your boundaries come with question marks, they're not really boundaries. They're just suggestions. Boundaries aren't rules for other people. They’re rules for you , the boundary-setter. You are the only one that can honor them. WHAT MOST PEOPLE THINK A BOUNDARY IS: I express a preference, or make a request, and the other person obliges without resistance or question. WHAT A BOUNDARY IS: I state what I’m available for, or willin

Y'all know I don't really believe in "perfectionism" as it's often framed in popular culture. (See prior post on overcoming perfectionism .) Something else that often gets confused with perfectionism, is what I call "All-or-nothing-ism." All-or-nothing-ism is the belief that one must put in a certain amount of time, or perform at a certain intensity, or else it’s not enough and doesn’t count. I have to exercise for an hour, five days a week, or it doesn’t count. I have to wri

What IS perfectionism, exactly? And do you have it?  The way it’s tossed around these days, it sounds like a consequence of unreasonably high standards. But I don’t buy it. I think we’re conflating two entirely different things, and it’s keeping us confused and stuck.  The Perfectionist vs. The “Too Much of a Perfectionist”  The Perfectionist, to concede for a moment that there is such a thing, is a person with unusually high (erm, particular) standards that INSISTS on meetin

“I always sabotage myself.” “I can’t seem to get out of my own way.” "I’ll do okay for a while, then…” “I’ll get close, then…” It sounds sneakily humble, doesn’t it? It’s our “perfectionism,” or we have some core wound of unworthiness. We don’t deserve this dream/goal/accomplishment. We don’t deserve this better life that we crave.  I was praying and intending this morning and found myself almost pleading, “I just want to live more from my heart. I just want to get out of my