“They called me an R&B artist, so I put out a jazz album,” Ray Charles said to Willie Nelson. “Then they started calling me a jazz artist, so I sang country. Now they don’t know what the f*** to call me, and that’s just the way I like it.’” -- this according to Willie Nelson’s autobiography, “It’s a Long Story,” perfectly titled IMO! Ray and Willie had had similar experiences bucking against the mold that record producers and executives were trying to force them into. (Can yo

I had a rather engaging conversation with a potential new client recently, where he was lamenting about how accustomed he’s become to scraping by. For years, he’s gone through periods where his future was entirely uncertain; his financial security was nil; at times he was in danger of losing everything, yet he always found a way to get by.  He’s tired. He’s afraid he’ll keep living like this if he doesn’t take some escalated measure to change things. He’s gotten too good at t

“I’m not sure I would rub that lamp.” It was a seemingly innocuous question on the surface, and it brought my client to tears. I had asked her if she could rub a magic lamp and be granted one wish (in relation to our coaching goals), what would it be? There was a moment of stunned silence, and she started to cry. “I’m not sure I would rub that lamp,” she said. Why would this be? Why would she not want to be magically granted her wish, with nothing further required of her? “Be

Y'all know I don't really believe in "perfectionism" as it's often framed in popular culture. (See prior post on overcoming perfectionism .) Something else that often gets confused with perfectionism, is what I call "All-or-nothing-ism." All-or-nothing-ism is the belief that one must put in a certain amount of time, or perform at a certain intensity, or else it’s not enough and doesn’t count. I have to exercise for an hour, five days a week, or it doesn’t count. I have to wri

What IS perfectionism, exactly? And do you have it?  The way it’s tossed around these days, it sounds like a consequence of unreasonably high standards. But I don’t buy it. I think we’re conflating two entirely different things, and it’s keeping us confused and stuck.  The Perfectionist vs. The “Too Much of a Perfectionist”  The Perfectionist, to concede for a moment that there is such a thing, is a person with unusually high (erm, particular) standards that INSISTS on meetin

“I always sabotage myself.” “I can’t seem to get out of my own way.” "I’ll do okay for a while, then…” “I’ll get close, then…” It sounds sneakily humble, doesn’t it? It’s our “perfectionism,” or we have some core wound of unworthiness. We don’t deserve this dream/goal/accomplishment. We don’t deserve this better life that we crave.  I was praying and intending this morning and found myself almost pleading, “I just want to live more from my heart. I just want to get out of my