WHAT WE GET WRONG ABOUT MOTIVATION If you can’t find motivation for something that feels important to you, a big goal, a meaningful...

"Progress not perfection" is quite the buzz phrase these days. A lot of people find it useful, and that’s a good thing. For some of us, it sounds like we’re being asked to settle, to lower our expectations of ourselves, and this can backfire. Why bother if we can’t achieve what we're after? Why make the effort for some piddly little progress that feels like nothing?  What does it mean to practice "progress not perfection"? The missing link here is in how to be purposeful wi

“They called me an R&B artist, so I put out a jazz album,” Ray Charles said to Willie Nelson. “Then they started calling me a jazz artist, so I sang country. Now they don’t know what the f*** to call me, and that’s just the way I like it.’” -- this according to Willie Nelson’s autobiography, “It’s a Long Story,” perfectly titled IMO! Ray and Willie had had similar experiences bucking against the mold that record producers and executives were trying to force them into. (Can yo

I had a rather engaging conversation with a potential new client recently, where he was lamenting about how accustomed he’s become to scraping by. For years, he’s gone through periods where his future was entirely uncertain; his financial security was nil; at times he was in danger of losing everything, yet he always found a way to get by.  He’s tired. He’s afraid he’ll keep living like this if he doesn’t take some escalated measure to change things. He’s gotten too good at t

“I’m not sure I would rub that lamp.” It was a seemingly innocuous question on the surface, and it brought my client to tears. I had asked her if she could rub a magic lamp and be granted one wish (in relation to our coaching goals), what would it be? There was a moment of stunned silence, and she started to cry. “I’m not sure I would rub that lamp,” she said. Why would this be? Why would she not want to be magically granted her wish, with nothing further required of her? “Be

Do your boundaries come with question marks? If your boundaries come with question marks, they're not really boundaries. They're just suggestions. Boundaries aren't rules for other people. They’re rules for you , the boundary-setter. You are the only one that can honor them. WHAT MOST PEOPLE THINK A BOUNDARY IS: I express a preference, or make a request, and the other person obliges without resistance or question. WHAT A BOUNDARY IS: I state what I’m available for, or willin

Y'all know I don't really believe in "perfectionism" as it's often framed in popular culture. (See prior post on overcoming perfectionism .) Something else that often gets confused with perfectionism, is what I call "All-or-nothing-ism." All-or-nothing-ism is the belief that one must put in a certain amount of time, or perform at a certain intensity, or else it’s not enough and doesn’t count. I have to exercise for an hour, five days a week, or it doesn’t count. I have to wri