When we think of productivity, or being more productive, we’re generally talking about receipts for time . This is how we’ve learned to live, and this is an insane way to live.  Making sure we account for ourselves every hour of the day, or else we’re not worthy humans. Making sure to earn our rest and our rewards. If we haven’t put enough work in, we do not deserve to enjoy ourselves! We do not deserve to pass “go”!  But what is it all for?  Is it really about what we have t

"Progress not perfection" is quite the buzz phrase these days. A lot of people find it useful, and that’s a good thing. For some of us, it sounds like we’re being asked to settle, to lower our expectations of ourselves, and this can backfire. Why bother if we can’t achieve what we're after? Why make the effort for some piddly little progress that feels like nothing?  What does it mean to practice "progress not perfection"? The missing link here is in how to be purposeful wi

My client taught me a fantastic new motto. “I’m not in it to win it; I’m in it to finish it!”  She’s in the home stretch of finishing her BS degree, having gone back to school after many years in the working world. It’s an abrupt transition, and it’s been tough, especially for an adult with ADHD. Plus, now with many university programs conducted entirely online, it's even harder to manage her time, motivation and executive function.  Many times she’s feared being unable to fi

I got beef with imposter syndrome. I’m not buying its BS. What does it mean to have imposter syndrome? You’re either an imposter or you’re not. No? What is imposter syndrome ? Imposter syndrome means you FEEL like an imposter.  But why?  Are you misrepresenting yourself for fraudulent gain?  Are you lying about who you are and what you can do?  No? Then you’re not an imposter. Yes? Then you don’t have Imposter Syndrome. You have an integrity problem. If you’re worried about h

“They called me an R&B artist, so I put out a jazz album,” Ray Charles said to Willie Nelson. “Then they started calling me a jazz artist, so I sang country. Now they don’t know what the f*** to call me, and that’s just the way I like it.’” -- this according to Willie Nelson’s autobiography, “It’s a Long Story,” perfectly titled IMO! Ray and Willie had had similar experiences bucking against the mold that record producers and executives were trying to force them into. (Can yo

I had a rather engaging conversation with a potential new client recently, where he was lamenting about how accustomed he’s become to scraping by. For years, he’s gone through periods where his future was entirely uncertain; his financial security was nil; at times he was in danger of losing everything, yet he always found a way to get by.  He’s tired. He’s afraid he’ll keep living like this if he doesn’t take some escalated measure to change things. He’s gotten too good at t

“I’m not sure I would rub that lamp.” It was a seemingly innocuous question on the surface, and it brought my client to tears. I had asked her if she could rub a magic lamp and be granted one wish (in relation to our coaching goals), what would it be? There was a moment of stunned silence, and she started to cry. “I’m not sure I would rub that lamp,” she said. Why would this be? Why would she not want to be magically granted her wish, with nothing further required of her? “Be

Do your boundaries come with question marks? If your boundaries come with question marks, they're not really boundaries. They're just suggestions. Boundaries aren't rules for other people. They’re rules for you , the boundary-setter. You are the only one that can honor them. WHAT MOST PEOPLE THINK A BOUNDARY IS: I express a preference, or make a request, and the other person obliges without resistance or question. WHAT A BOUNDARY IS: I state what I’m available for, or willin

People-Pleasing vs Kindness - A case of misguided intentions The difference between kindness and people-pleasing is the difference between generosity and fear.  The litmus test to tell the difference is in how you feel.  If you’re having trouble not saying yes when you really mean no, how does it feel? Not great, does it? It doesn’t feel true. It’s not sincere. You have resentment whether you want to or not.  When you’re giving out of the kindness of your heart, because you t

What IS perfectionism, exactly? And do you have it?  The way it’s tossed around these days, it sounds like a consequence of unreasonably high standards. But I don’t buy it. I think we’re conflating two entirely different things, and it’s keeping us confused and stuck.  The Perfectionist vs. The “Too Much of a Perfectionist”  The Perfectionist, to concede for a moment that there is such a thing, is a person with unusually high (erm, particular) standards that INSISTS on meetin