WHAT WE GET WRONG ABOUT MOTIVATION If you can’t find motivation for something that feels important to you, a big goal, a meaningful...

"Progress not perfection" is quite the buzz phrase these days. A lot of people find it useful, and that’s a good thing. For some of us, it sounds like we’re being asked to settle, to lower our expectations of ourselves, and this can backfire. Why bother if we can’t achieve what we're after? Why make the effort for some piddly little progress that feels like nothing?  What does it mean to practice "progress not perfection"? The missing link here is in how to be purposeful wi

My client taught me a fantastic new motto. “I’m not in it to win it; I’m in it to finish it!”  She’s in the home stretch of finishing her BS degree, having gone back to school after many years in the working world. It’s an abrupt transition, and it’s been tough, especially for an adult with ADHD. Plus, now with many university programs conducted entirely online, it's even harder to manage her time, motivation and executive function.  Many times she’s feared being unable to fi

“They called me an R&B artist, so I put out a jazz album,” Ray Charles said to Willie Nelson. “Then they started calling me a jazz artist, so I sang country. Now they don’t know what the f*** to call me, and that’s just the way I like it.’” -- this according to Willie Nelson’s autobiography, “It’s a Long Story,” perfectly titled IMO! Ray and Willie had had similar experiences bucking against the mold that record producers and executives were trying to force them into. (Can yo

I had a rather engaging conversation with a potential new client recently, where he was lamenting about how accustomed he’s become to scraping by. For years, he’s gone through periods where his future was entirely uncertain; his financial security was nil; at times he was in danger of losing everything, yet he always found a way to get by.  He’s tired. He’s afraid he’ll keep living like this if he doesn’t take some escalated measure to change things. He’s gotten too good at t

Do your boundaries come with question marks? If your boundaries come with question marks, they're not really boundaries. They're just suggestions. Boundaries aren't rules for other people. They’re rules for you , the boundary-setter. You are the only one that can honor them. WHAT MOST PEOPLE THINK A BOUNDARY IS: I express a preference, or make a request, and the other person obliges without resistance or question. WHAT A BOUNDARY IS: I state what I’m available for, or willin

Y'all know I don't really believe in "perfectionism" as it's often framed in popular culture. (See prior post on overcoming perfectionism .) Something else that often gets confused with perfectionism, is what I call "All-or-nothing-ism." All-or-nothing-ism is the belief that one must put in a certain amount of time, or perform at a certain intensity, or else it’s not enough and doesn’t count. I have to exercise for an hour, five days a week, or it doesn’t count. I have to wri

What IS perfectionism, exactly? And do you have it?  The way it’s tossed around these days, it sounds like a consequence of unreasonably high standards. But I don’t buy it. I think we’re conflating two entirely different things, and it’s keeping us confused and stuck.  The Perfectionist vs. The “Too Much of a Perfectionist”  The Perfectionist, to concede for a moment that there is such a thing, is a person with unusually high (erm, particular) standards that INSISTS on meetin